Girls, do you realize the power of being a woman? A few strategically placed tears rolling gently down your cheeks, a soft hue of pink as u quietly but elegantly sob into a wad of tissue paper. It works wonders. It turns the tables on the guy completely. As soon as the tears roll out, instantly, he literally is, the bad guy.

Im not a fan of crying, but to get my way, wat's some water?

Guys might think its evil. No, its perfectly legit. Its the power of being a woman. And knowing how to use it.

Woah. My new job is seriously S-L-A-C-K.

So today was my 2nd day on the job and the person who teaches me the ropes has naturally taken leave, leaving me to fend for myself. Of course i was apprehensive. U who know me, know i dont listen too good, especially to instructions. So when she sms-ed me last night to tell me she wasnt able to make it today, i panicked. Boy was that all for nothing.

I arrived a mere 10 mintutes late. Bearing in mind that this is already my 2nd day at work, i must say it is quite an achievement for me. Soon, i will revert back to being at least 30 mins late. Ding! the 11th floor. With a heavy heart, full of doubt and worry, as well as lack of sleep, i realize, horrors of all horrors, i don't have the key to unlock the office. Great. Just great. In a split second, i was half swung around, making a beeline back to the lift. I was going home. Or at least shopping. Crap. The boss was coming at me. I tried to hide, blend in with the woodwork, anything.

Boss: Hi Alicia
Me: *mumble mumble mumble..key..mumble mumble mumble*
Boss: Come, let's go for coffee
Me: OK!

We get back 45 min to an hr later. Not only he buys me breakfast, i get paid my hourly wage for eating it. Weird. But definitely good. Maybe my job is to entertain the boss. Tomorrow im bringing my juggling balls and clown's outfit. Maybe this time i'll get a day off. Hopefully two.

All in all, its a pretty good job. The water dispenser is right next to me, as is the coffee machine and the fridge. Yesterday the boss wanted to eat lunch early. We had a 2 hr lunch. What i like about this job is the challenging aspect of it. And the amount of work im occupied with.

Im going to Cornell. I just know its the school for me. I actually sorta got kinda teary eyed when i checked out the website. I think i knew instantly i wanted to go there. Its weird, before i got accepted, i didnt even bother to find out what kinda place it is. I just thought, Cornell's a damn good school, its ivy league, why not just try it. Afterall, the registration fee's no problem. So i did. I actually already managed to psych myself up to go to the UK to study law, but its CORNELL!

Im definitely in love with the place. It touches my very essence of being. Plus it ranks top 10 in the entire US. I mean, duh, why shouldnt i go? But so much more than that. I still cant believe i got in. But ive seriously fallen for it. Hard. Nothing academic has ever moved me so. But i feel a deeper connection with Cornell, somehow.

Ok, so maybe its coz its an ivy league, plus its in New York, tt's SO "Sex in The City" and "Felicity"!! haha and so much fashion. Which equals SHOPPING. Hmmm. But i love the place. It looks so nice and happy. I like happy-looking things.

The day didnt start too well.

I awoke with a start. The darn alarm clocks were screaming their maniacal heads off all around me. Great. Surround sound shitstem. In an everyday ritual, i proceeded to throw myself off the bed. The right side. Ouch. The floor did not feel too good. Making my way commando style i.e. crawling on all fours, to the toilet, i fell back asleep.

*!#@#$#^ I**!!!!" When i awoke again, it was 12.17 p.m. I had to be at work in precisely erm, well, 1 o'clock minus 12.17 = erm..well, anyway i didnt have too much time. I had to put on my day face, choose my clothes, do my hair, eat my brunch, pack my bag and pick my shoes. Time was of the essence.

In the end, i was 15 minutes late. Locked out and late. Crap! I had to convince someone to let me in, that i was the new temp staff. And i had worn the wrong shoes. The shoes that look good but aint for walking. I could feel the blisters on the onset.

****

Ding! Yet another delivery man needed to be buzzed in.

"Sorry, i cannot authorize that package"
"No, she is not in."
"He's on MC"
"Erm, not at his desk either"

Just my luck. All 3 of the people who could sign for the package were on leave. Panick. I didnt pay attention to what the person who trained me had said. The only thing resounding in my ears was her deathly warning: "Never authorize anything for other people. Or u will get blamed if any thing goes wrong. Blamed..blaamed..blaaaaamed...you...youuu ...youuuuu". Oh crap. There was only one thing to do.

"Come back another day."
"I dont care if its supposed to be urgent"
"Yes, but im not supposed to sign for anything"
"No i will not"

The stupid snitch calls his supervisor. She calls me. TMD. Stupid, rude witch.

Witch: "Ur company needs this very urgently, my man has to go elsewhere to deliver more urgent packages"
me: "So?"
Witch: "can u sign for it?"
me: "Sorry, i m not allowed to do so" (just covering my ass here like i was taught)
"just let me try and contact someone else who is authorized to do so"
Witch: "ok, i'll call back"

*I scan the first page of the volumous stack of names of people in different departments, flustered.*

2 seconds later..

BRinGggg..!
Witch: " How? have u found anyone?"
me: "Im still searching, if you could hold on ple..."
Witch: "But my man really has to go"
me: "He can go and come back another time"
Witch: "But this is urgent"
me: "then maybe if u would let me locate the person in charge?"
Witch: "But my man really has to go" (what?! is she a broken tape recorder?!)
me: "Give me five minutes please."

The delivery man tells me he's leaving. I nod.

5 minutes later..
BrrInGgg!!

Witch: "Ok ive gotten hold of some1 who can sign for the package"
me: "Good"
Witch: " Is the delivery man still there?"
me: "unfortunately he's left some time ago".
Witch: "This is unacceptable. This is unacceptable. This is unacceptable. Click."

Firstly, u see my pt abt being a broken down tape recorder? And secondly and more to the pt, SHE HUNG UP ON ME?! BLOODY BEEEEEEEEP! NO BODY HANGS UP ON ME! NO. BODY.

A while later...
IT calls back.

Witch: "Hi, my delivery man is on his way back, could u buzz him up?"
me: "We'll see. Click"

Mwahhhaaa

Brrringggg..!

Witch: "Hi, sorry, do you think u could ask Ms. so & so to come and authorize the package, please?"
me: "........."
Witch: "Hello? Sorry, are you there?"
me: "Maybe. Click."

Bwaahahhaaa
Dont triffle with me. Hang up on me once, i'd hang up on u twice.

So what? Fire me. I dare them.

STOP. Before you continue reading, i must forewarn u. This entry will be one, not written by the sweet, angellic, sarcastic, modest girl you've always known me as. In this moment of weakness, i bare a side of my soul that few people have ever seen before. Yes, u are indeed, in for a surprise.

The other day i went to the NUS open house and saw a few people i havent seen in ages. And a few i have been meeting rather regularly. Tonight, i switched on the telly and saw "The Replacements". Then i talked to Shallow on icq. I know it all seems disjointed and rather miniscule in comparision to the larger scale weirdness of the last day of school, getting A levels i.e. a true end to a chapter in our lives, seeing your friends off to go study abroad or having the guys slink off to the army. And im sure everyone's had these emotions at one point of time or another. But i didnt. Well, not until now anyway. I always figured its not as if they're dead, that hell, we'll get to see one another again. Maybe not everyday but we'll live. No tears, no worries, no emotions, no big deal.

But i think my feelings slowly crept up and got the better of me. Many people say that im a joker and that i can never be serious. Well, while that is true, it brings me to another topic, how can u say never say never? Now, that is ridiculous! Its such a conundrum. Oh wait, sorry, back to the point at hand. As i was saying, it just hit that now everything will never be the same again. The things we talked about, the good times we've had, all the crap, trials and tribulations, irksome stupidity as well as elation, gossip, shoppin, ponning school, even simple joys like eating etc will never happen in the same way again. I mean, its over. O-V-E-R. In the same breath, might i add that ive taking a particular liking to spelling things. And have come to the conclusion that to go in Chinese is spelled as Z-O, zo.

When 1 phase of my life is over, i usually embrace the next phase with open arms, in both quiet neglect and total disregard for treasuring the past. But every once in a while. Fine, once in 18 and a 1/2 yrs, i'll be forced, subconsciously, to think about the threads of yesterpast. Looking back, ive had a good life. Good friends, good past ahems, good present one. Good times and good ppl to share the bad times with.

But its gotten me thinking, its funny how some people get together. Do certain people attract other like-minded people, or do friends jus come naturally toget after some time? Is it pre-destined or is it coincidental? Is there some kind of chemistry between friends? And some people i take an immediate liking to while some people become my friends after me disliking them. What gives? And how ironic how some people u dont expect to befriend or have a good time with turn out to be people you actually like. Even if its secretly and you'd never tell them so! Even disliking someone binds people together, i realize. Its strange, ironic even.

I dont often express my emotions of like and gratitude verbally. Sometimes i'd like to tell someone you're a really good friend and i really treasure our friendship. Instead, i whack em and tell em you suck. Different people have different ways of expressing emotion. Deal with it. But in this pyschotic state of mind, i jus wanna let all my friends, i.e. the people i actually like and dont bitch about (that often), know that each and every one of you have made an impact on me and in the way i lead my life.

I'll probably delete this entry sooner or later. It makes me appear as if i have emotions and as if i actually care. I dont. A moment of weakness.

Dont hate me coz im beautiful
Dont hate me coz im cute
Dont hate me coz im sizzling
Dont hate me coz im cool

Just hate me coz im everything,
Everything you're not.

Beauty, wits, intelligence,
what, oh what, do i lack?
Modesty perhaps, you say, but what
an absolute drag.

Everybody loves me,
Everybody should.

Charisma, charm, confidence,
what, oh what, do i lack?
Nothing, you've got to admit,
coz, baby, ive got it all.

Such a pity. A bloody pity. It was such a bloody pity.

So I walk into my first "Tort's" seminar, taught by someone who reminds me very much of The Russian from Sex & the City, 10 minutes early, being of course the ever-eager-to-impress-the-teacher-brown-nosing-apple-polishing-asskissing-student that I am. Actually my watch was set 20 minutes fast, so technically I was 10 minutes late. But, hey, who's counting? The class was filled. Apparently everyone else was an ever-eager-to-impress-the-teacher-brown-nosing-apple-polishing-asskissing-student.

Tall, dark and handsome. Okay, maybe not exactly TALL, tall, but tall enough. And Chinese. He walked the walk. Cute, definitely cute. Dimples, brilliantly piercing eyes. And he was coming right towards me. Gorgeous. I tried to look nonchalant, unaffected even. Nearer. I did The Hair Flick. Nearer. He stood within mere inches of me. "Hi, im ******" (protected for his own sake and also cause I don't want law suits on my hands; he is afterall studying law too). Breathtaking. I did "The Flick" again, this time with more of "The Twirl". He extended his hand. I smiled. He smiled. Beautiful , beautiful eyes, deep, deep dimples. Chinese(No offence here, but i am a traditional sorta girl who would preferably date within the circle). Mmm. Raise of the eyebrows, "Hi, nice to meet you, my name's *****"( oops, getting carried away with the whole protecting identity thing), I almost say, but I decide not to say more than he did. Firm handshake, radiant smile. "Alicia", I finally settle with. He smiled again. I held my smile. Hands, such strong hands. Was it love? Infatuation? Fantasy? Whatever it was, i was captivated.

Until he opened his mouth again, of course. Not Australian born, not a Singaporean. Malaysian. Now, I know many Malaysians and i personally have nothing against them. Nothing at all. A few of my very good friends are actually Malaysians. But this dude could not speak proper English for all the nuts in the world. Nope, not even for all the tea in China. Dammit, i thought, Houston we have a problem. Over.

Standing there, smiling, twirling my hair, i spaced out there and then. A million possiblilites ran through my mind. Befriend him and teach him how to speak proper English. Befriend him but tell him the only condition is if he doesnt speak. At all. Look at him from afar, dont befriend him. Perhaps i could get one of him, to go, batteries not included? Whatever. A friend grabs me from behind. Saved. But oh so cute. If only he didn't say a word.

Ok, im sitting here in the law library, or as they would prefer, the "legal resource centre". Im some sort of internet freak, as you people would know so i cant live without my internet. Yes, it is mine. Thing is, as luck would have it, the labtop i brought along decided to kill itself. Ok, maybe i had something to do with it, but hey, who's pointing fingers? Apparently something about allowing "cookies"? Fine, allow them, i thought, feeling particularly hungry at that point. They sound delicious. It turns out that allowing cookies allows evil creatures and things of the dark to invade the recesses of your computor. Such as the cookie monster, of course. Thus, ending in the inevitable conclusion that my labtop is currently virus-filled.

So i reach on saturday morning, totally unprepared, both mentally and physically for the week ahead. My dad and i move into "the Clocktower on Carlton", some sort of service-apartment cum hotel. All is good and well for a while. We go shopping, eat our guts out and watch movies and telly. Till monday. Monday, the day where madness begins. To cut through a whole lot of bullwinkle, i m fully enroled and currently "studying" law. Of course i say "studying" because a bunch of us have just been going from bbq to bbq, apparently trying line dancing(?!) and a myraid of other nonsense. In fact, i m due to be in class, say 1 hr and 8 minutes ago.

The Clocktower is great, but my father insisted we move into the Hyatt for a while. Of course, what could i do but agree? (silent chuckle) The only thing is we've been to the Hyatt buffet 3 times since ive come. 3 times. Yes. For some reason, my dad loves the most expensive buffet in town. im fine with that, really i am, just that, well, if only they would vary their buffet from day to day, thank you very much. Maybe my dad moved into the Hyatt to get nearer to the dining room. Why he loves it so much is understandable, but really, not everyday, dad, pls? I suspect its because of George. Yes, dear George, our Parkistani waiter. The first time i met him he told me, rather animatedly in fact, in a more-than-comfortable-for-him Australian drawl, how absolutely terrific it is that i managed to get into the U of Melb law sch. George, poor fella, went on and on about how mindbogglingly difficult it is to get into law school in u of Melb, on and on about how one has to be amongst the top 99.9% of the cohort, going through interview upon interview to finally be accepted into the and i quote "most prestigious law school ever". He looked so earnest and enlivened, not refilling my water as i politely requested, but instead almost bending himself backwards to impress on me exactly how incredibly tortuous it was to get in. I didn't have the heart to crush the poor man's spirit, so i had to agree went he made a comment that i must be extremely intelligent. Afterall, what could i do?

Ok, sorry about this whole barrage after not "blogging" for ages. Bloody ages. First, i would like to point out, especially to the likes of Jem and Sean, to stop flooding my email. And friendster. And cellphone. Its not polite. And to the others who are not party to this heinous offence, where the hell are your adornments? You apparently are not missing me as much as you should be. That is not polite. Or, in fact, acceptable.

Oh, and sorry guys, i only reply to girls. Got to conserve my sms-es, you know.

And on to another touchy topic, the 'A's..ta da. I told my dad tomorrow we're going shopping. Yes, the only way to comfort me and one of the ways to celebrate. He's resigned himself to it. Yes, why of course, we will go shopping tomorrow, he said. I pity all you poor souls who will be making your ways to school and collecting your results. Firstly there's deciding what to wear, then there's waiting, all jittery and excited, the intensity of the hall rising by the second, in those formidable lines. And finally its having people all around you shout .. 4 As..4 As. To hell with those 4 A-ers. Unless, of course, i am one of them. Then, welcome to the club! Smartypants, we unite. Only smarties have the answer.

But i digress. Good luck if you need it, to you and to me. Unless you are Fartz, who'd probably get 4As, 2 S distinctions and an A1 for gp. But, hey, im happy for her. Really, i am. To the rest of you, cheerios, or as they say it here, seeya later. Which could mean tomorrow, next week, next month, never, and of course, later.