STOP. Before you continue reading, i must forewarn u. This entry will be one, not written by the sweet, angellic, sarcastic, modest girl you've always known me as. In this moment of weakness, i bare a side of my soul that few people have ever seen before. Yes, u are indeed, in for a surprise.

The other day i went to the NUS open house and saw a few people i havent seen in ages. And a few i have been meeting rather regularly. Tonight, i switched on the telly and saw "The Replacements". Then i talked to Shallow on icq. I know it all seems disjointed and rather miniscule in comparision to the larger scale weirdness of the last day of school, getting A levels i.e. a true end to a chapter in our lives, seeing your friends off to go study abroad or having the guys slink off to the army. And im sure everyone's had these emotions at one point of time or another. But i didnt. Well, not until now anyway. I always figured its not as if they're dead, that hell, we'll get to see one another again. Maybe not everyday but we'll live. No tears, no worries, no emotions, no big deal.

But i think my feelings slowly crept up and got the better of me. Many people say that im a joker and that i can never be serious. Well, while that is true, it brings me to another topic, how can u say never say never? Now, that is ridiculous! Its such a conundrum. Oh wait, sorry, back to the point at hand. As i was saying, it just hit that now everything will never be the same again. The things we talked about, the good times we've had, all the crap, trials and tribulations, irksome stupidity as well as elation, gossip, shoppin, ponning school, even simple joys like eating etc will never happen in the same way again. I mean, its over. O-V-E-R. In the same breath, might i add that ive taking a particular liking to spelling things. And have come to the conclusion that to go in Chinese is spelled as Z-O, zo.

When 1 phase of my life is over, i usually embrace the next phase with open arms, in both quiet neglect and total disregard for treasuring the past. But every once in a while. Fine, once in 18 and a 1/2 yrs, i'll be forced, subconsciously, to think about the threads of yesterpast. Looking back, ive had a good life. Good friends, good past ahems, good present one. Good times and good ppl to share the bad times with.

But its gotten me thinking, its funny how some people get together. Do certain people attract other like-minded people, or do friends jus come naturally toget after some time? Is it pre-destined or is it coincidental? Is there some kind of chemistry between friends? And some people i take an immediate liking to while some people become my friends after me disliking them. What gives? And how ironic how some people u dont expect to befriend or have a good time with turn out to be people you actually like. Even if its secretly and you'd never tell them so! Even disliking someone binds people together, i realize. Its strange, ironic even.

I dont often express my emotions of like and gratitude verbally. Sometimes i'd like to tell someone you're a really good friend and i really treasure our friendship. Instead, i whack em and tell em you suck. Different people have different ways of expressing emotion. Deal with it. But in this pyschotic state of mind, i jus wanna let all my friends, i.e. the people i actually like and dont bitch about (that often), know that each and every one of you have made an impact on me and in the way i lead my life.

I'll probably delete this entry sooner or later. It makes me appear as if i have emotions and as if i actually care. I dont. A moment of weakness.