Wow. Has it really been that long since we last talked? Since you and i made those stupid jokes only we understood and laughed and laughed and laughed? You used to be my best friend. No, maybe not. Perhaps it wasn't friendship that started it all. You admitted you only befriended me because you liked me. And i in turn, well, i thought you were hot. But it wasn't like i loved you then. Not that i wanted us to be more than friends. I was with another then but our lives soon converged into one. On and off we merged and came undone, and I'm not sure what it is but your sms and your call tonight invoked so much. I used to call you my Mr. Big. We used to say ultimately you were mine and i was yours. But then i moved on. And then you moved on. I'm sorry i phased you out. You caught me, i cannot lie. You asked me why and i couldn't explain. You wanted to stay friends, in contact, part of each other's lives. Really? Could i have been so blind to that? It was just something that felt right. You say you're no longer with her. How long has it been? i want to ask, but then i stop and think, it doesn't matter. I don't know what you want me to say. What you want me to feel. You accused me of moving on and not looking back. I cant say i disagree. Can we go back to being friends? The great friends that we were? Were we ever great friends or was that just a pretence? A pretence to get to me. A pretence to get to you. I still don't know what we are or what we will become, but it was comforting that we managed to talk til my phone battery went out.. twice.. and how you still remember all the little things. And then you came over and we sat in my playground again, as we used to. And it seemed so surreal. It seemed just like yesterday. As we playfully bashed our bodies against each other, we talked and laughed and shared. It ended with a promise of an outing of some kind. And as you grabbed my hand to hoist me up, i felt a sense of strange security. A common knowledge. A secret only we would share. A story between us. To you it may just have been a friendly gesture, pulling me up, but to me, it signified a special something we'll always have. That's the thing with you, you always made me feel a certain way. You always had that effect, Michael. You admit you read my blog. So you know what's been going down. You've always known. You knew i was back; why didnt you come to me earlier? Fear, you say. Of what? Of rejection. But you got your confirmation and golden ticket when Josh and Turt found me, recovered me from my past. They confirmed my existence in this world, in your world. Singapore's not big enough for the 2 of us, you said, with a wink and a smile, we've got to rub bodies sometime. I havent watched the sunrise in a very long time. And it was nice.