Beebs is right, this is kinda therapeutic..

I am that girl.

I am that girl who doesn't know what she wants. I am that girl who has a.d.d., who cannot stay still or dedicated to a task at times. I am that girl who it doesn't take that much to do well. As long as she reads through the material once. As long as she does. I am that girl who's peers, who go to classes and study so much more, end up doing worse and resent her for it - whether jokingly or not. I am the girl who is then left wondering if she's plain brilliant or if her peers are plain dumb. I am that girl with poor time management. I am the girl who feels like she's failing out of school. I am the girl who claims shes never failed before - then failed driving the first time round.

I am the girl who still does not know what she wants. I am that girl who finally is getting that she's not fat. Anymore. I am that girl who is self-conscious of her weight. How she looks in the mornings when she just wakes up. How she looks in glasses. How she looks to boys. I am that girl who guys tell she's so skinny. That they can feel her hip bones. I am the girl who likes to be pampered and spoilt. I am that girl who is temperamental and moody, happy and insane. I am the girl who is more confident. But yet, more uncertain. I am that girl who is confused and unfocussed. Who doesn't know how her life is going to span out, living one day to the next.

I am the girl who is terribly blessed and lucky. I am that girl who is so thankful for her friends and family. I am that girl who has so many opportunities if only she would take advantage of them. I am the girl who wants to get proactive, but whose plans always fizzle out. I am the girl who loves to party, the girl who loves to have fun. I am the girl who loves the attention but yet does not want it. I am the girl who is the "fun barometer", who's asian glow marks the start of a whirlwind of fun for everyone. I am the one they all want to get happy. I am that girl who's love of boys makes her vunerable yet in control.

I am the girl who's grown in many aspects since college. I am the one who loves and loves to be loved. I am the girl who cannot take rejection. I am the girl who is afraid to fail. I am the girl who hasn't had a very hard life. To whom money is not that much of an object and possessions are just a way of life. I am that girl who loves to shop. So much. I am that girl who used to tell her friends lucky she isn't thin or she'd look good in everything and buy everything. Not that it stopped her before. Now, I am that girl who has so many clothes she had to buy an extra chest of drawers for her apartment room. I am that girl who caves easily when it comes to work and play. Too easily. I am the girl who still does not know what she wants. I am that girl who wants to be pampered and treated like a princess by boys. I am the girl who gets what she wants. Who knows whatever she wants, she can get. I am that girl who lives in a castle in a perfect glass bubble world, looking out at the world.

I am the girl who feels out of place surrounded by the overseas Singaporeans but strangely feels so at ease with the Americans. I am the girl who does not understand why, but knows coming to the states over England was the right decision. I am that girl who is afraid of commitment, who likes the status quo of her current relationship-non-relationship. I am the girl who has comes to terms with those startling new emotions and has reverted back to her stoic staunch emotionlessness. I am the girl who can not be bothered. Who already knows she's gotten the prize on the bait and can reel him in at a moment's notice. But does she want to? Does she want to?

I am that girl. That girl who is surrounded by confusion, who does not know moderation. Everything is done in extremes. There is no center. I am that walking contradiction. That egotistical, unabashed, ashamed, perfect mess.